When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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