I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
