so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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