The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
