Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
