I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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