I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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