you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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