I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
