dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
