how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
