no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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