apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
