dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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