my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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