You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
