Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize