A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had sex on a roof
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
