how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
