are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
