dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
