if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize