Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
