worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We need a shit load of segways right now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
