I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
