You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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