I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
