cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
