Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
