I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
