Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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