it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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