chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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