Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
