don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
