sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
