I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
