I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
