Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
