I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
