when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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