I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
