i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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