maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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