You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
