Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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