someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
