kristin has been a bad kristin
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
