there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
