So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
