Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
