do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to calm my uterus...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
