I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
