Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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