how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize