When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
