elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
