I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
