On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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