she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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