she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So vagazzling was a success
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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