You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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