It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did i walk over a car last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
