Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize