I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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