So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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