I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
