Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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