There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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