You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
