TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
