Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
