Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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