Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
