If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
