I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize