My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Panties = found
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
