walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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