Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
