There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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