you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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