I just cut my nipple shaving
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
