you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
