haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
