chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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